A Coaching Distinction to Help Create More Change for Clients

Things are feeling a little chaotic over here. I’m preparing to lead a 4-day retreat next week (it’s Retreat #1 for the folks in my Into the Depths Ritual and Facilitation Mastery training).

I’m also gearing up for some AMAZINGNESS coming your way about how to go deeper with your coaching skills (more on that coming very soon).

And…I’m going to see “Hamilton” tonight!!! I am soooo very excited.

During times like this, when things get really busy, my morning and evening rituals become even more important to help keep me sane and grounded. (Is that the same for you?)

This week’s blog post is a FB live that I did today. It’s about a really simple yet super important principle that will help you take your work with clients to the next level. Click here to view it.

I hope you enjoy what I share and would love to hear your thoughts!

With love,
Joanna

One of the Most Core Foundational Coaching Principles, Period

In my nineteen years of coaching, teaching, and facilitating…in my 10 years of parenting and working to raise daughters who are secure, confident and at peace…and in my many decades of being a human being communicating with family, friends, colleagues, and strangers…I have learned quite a bit about what it takes to hold space for deep growth, transformation, evolution and aligned action taking.

There is, of course, a lot that goes into this: mastery of questioning skills and listening skills and acknowledging skills and strategizing skills and reflection skills; mastery of working with resistance and working with fear and working with self-sabotage and working with Shadow. READ MORE

Lessons to learn [Part 5 of 5]

If you’ve been following along with my story in parts 1-4 of this blog series, you know I’ve had some more than a few bumps and bruises along the way over these last 20 months.

I’ve learned a lot.

I’ve had to learn that my work isn’t for everyone. I want everyone to love all that I have to share, to eat it up, to adore it, to be deeply deeply impacted by it.

But the truth is that now that I’m teaching about Coaching and Facilitation Mastery, now that I’m teaching about the skills underneath the skills to move clients through fears and work with their shadows, now that I’m teaching advanced tools for connecting more deeply and authentically with your clients and with yourself… this material is too sophisticated for 90% of the practitioners out there.

Not because it’s hard….but because it’s not flashy like “ how to do marketing funnels” is, it’s not glossy like “how to succeed with FB ads” is, and it’s not surface oriented like “how to make a million” is.

This work is for thoughtful individuals. This work is for individuals who are already pretty amazing at what they do. This work is for individuals who LOVE going deep and figuring out how to create better and better results with their clients. This work is for individuals who are willing to admit that mastery isn’t a destination, but instead a journey.

I’ve had to learn that it’s OK that I speak to a sophisticated audience. I’ve had to own that my work isn’t for everyone.

I’ve also had to accept that because the work I offer is so deep and because I am so committed to being fully present for each client & student that I serve, that I can’t offer it to a million people at a time. I can’t be one of those coaches that has 500 people in a program. My work is more intimate than that.

I will straight up share with you that I haven’t yet mastered any of this. I still sometimes feel pained when I get hate mail or criticized. I still sometimes get insulted and/or self-judgmental when people opt-out, both in my newsletter community or my Facebook community.

I still sometimes get frustrated when I have less engagement than I want. I still sometimes feel a little victim-y that I need to cap my courses at a certain number of participants.

But overall, I feel so lucky. I feel lucky that even with all of this, my programming still sells out. I feel lucky that I get to make an impact in so many people’s lives. I feel lucky that I get to be in my brilliance and use my talent.

I feel lucky that the ripple effect of my work is so big.

And maybe most of all, I feel lucky that I’ve been able to not only endure, but deeply evolve and transform from all of the bumps in the road. I’ve got some battle scars, but I’m a better person and a better leader because of all of it.

I’m grateful for all of it. And I’m grateful for you allowing me to share my story with you. By reading this, you were willing to look behind the curtain and experience deeper truth with me.

And that tells me a lot about you.

If you stand with me. If you stand for Mastery in your work. If you choose to embrace a beginners mind, stay humble, keep learning and expanding your self, your skills and your capacity… will you let me know?

 

Yes, I am with you Joanna!

 

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

 

 

 

Cue the hate mail… [Part 4 of 5]

So, what happens when you call out an entire industry to a higher level of mastery?

Well, there were some folks that immediately loved what I was sharing and teaching and offering. These were mostly my die-hard fans who already knew the secret sauce I was teaching, saw the results for themselves, and wanted more of it.

But everyone else….they didn’t like it so much.

I initially had a lot of opt-outs in my newsletter community (and honestly, I continue to have a steady stream of opt-outs). The new messaging was too radical and went against the grain of everything the industry was saying about success.

It’s been many, many years since opt-out notifications go directly to my inbox. I learned pretty early on that every time I’d get an opt-out notification, I’d get insulted, embarrassed, angry, guilty, self-judgmental and eventually totally negative about my business in a doomsday sort of way. (Have I mentioned I’m a dramatic person sometimes?).

So now opt-outs go to my assistant’s email, and I just take a look at my stats every month or so.

But even with all my learning about how to energetically manage opt-outs, seeing so many community members go when I changed my messaging felt hard and harsh. I had expected it, but still had to do a lot of inner work to not go down the rabbit hole of “everything is falling apart and I will become hated and destitute!”

The opt-outs weren’t the worst part, though.

The hate mail was.

Oh, did the haters come out of the woodworks! They called me a fraud, they called me a villain, they called me stupid and irresponsible, they made fun of my speaking voice (yes, I got called a Valley Girl!), they used every curse word you can think of, they told me I sucked.

Not just via email, but on social media too.

This really, really hurt.

I don’t care what anyone says about knowing you’ve hit success if you’ve got Haters, or what Taylor Swift means when she sings about “The Haters gonna hate, hate hate….”. All that may be true, but when you get hate mail, and especially hate mail about something that is so important to you….it stings. It’s like a gut punch.

Your fight or flight response goes into overdrive and your reptilian brain feels like your life is being attacked and threatened.

In short, it is not fun.

I read one of the absolute worst emails (the one about my Valley Girl voice) in my car, just as I was about to walk into a Board Meeting at Yael’s preschool. I read the email and then rushed into the meeting.

We started talking about packed lunch rules for the next year and I burst into tears, running out of the room and straight to my car to go home and be hysterical all by myself. Till today, I still wonder if the other Board Members think I am particularly sensitive about turkey sandwiches and carrot sticks.

I got home, snot already covering the entirety of my face, wondering how I had been able to drive in that state. I straight changed into my pajamas, got under the covers, and cried for another hour or so.

And then I calmed down. And I saw the truth: that the woman’s nasty email to me wasn’t about me. It was about her. And her insecurities. And her fears.

I saw that if I was going to be serious about standing up for what I believe in, if I was going to fully own what I was put on this planet to do, if I was going to lead my business with integrity….

I was going to have to grow tougher skin, I was going to have to feel the gut-punch pain when icky things came my way but let it go pretty quickly, I was going to have more faith & confidence in myself.

And I’ve had to learn that lesson over and over and over again these last 20 months.

So, what about now?

Click here to read Part 5!

 

How Birkenstocks changed me [Part 3 of 5]

It may sound kind of silly, but I had visions of myself as I was when I was 15. I was the first kid in my high school (maybe in the whole state of NJ!) to wear Birkenstock.

This was a TOTAL, ABRUPT break from the fashion of the day, and I remember walking down the hallway going to Advanced Biology class and random kids heckling me, calling me Girl Jesus (cause apparently he wore sandals too), and telling me to go back to the 60s (it was 1991).

It was almost as if my breaking pattern from the normal clothing felt threatening to these teenage kids. It put their identities at stake.

It took a lot of courage to put those Birkenstock on that morning…and a part of me didn’t want to wear them ever again after that first day. I cared too much about what people (strangers!) thought of me. I cared too much about being accepted. I cared too much about being perceived as “cool”. I didn’t want to be made fun of. I didn’t want to be hated.

But…I LOVED those sandals. I mean, I really, really loved those sandals. It may sound strange, but those sandals were more than just a pair of sandals. Those sandals were – finally – an article of clothing that fully expressed ME, that represented who I was, that I felt were made for my personality, my style, my energy.

And so I wore them again the next day.

It was not such a triumphant day, though. I got made fun of even more than the day before.

And I wore them again. And again. And again.

And you know what happened? I got more comfortable with being made fun of.

I saw that my friends, the people that loved me, still loved me. I got better and better at standing tall. And…well, wouldn’t you know it? Birkenstock eventually swept the nation and became cool!

So, my Birkenstocks were on my mind as I was shifting my messaging, gearing up to speak even more of my truth, to educate the industry in ways they hadn’t been educated before, to raise the question of getting better educated as a practitioner, and to speak out against some of the ways I felt the industry was not so in integrity.

But, just like I put on those sandals despite the fear, I shifted my programming and messaging despite the fear.

And, how did that go for me?

You’ll find out  in Part 4 of my 5-Part story. (hint: things got ugly).

Click here to read Part 4!