One of the Most Core Foundational Coaching Principles, Period

In my nineteen years of coaching, teaching, and facilitating…in my 10 years of parenting and working to raise daughters who are secure, confident and at peace…and in my many decades of being a human being communicating with family, friends, colleagues, and strangers…I have learned quite a bit about what it takes to hold space for deep growth, transformation, evolution and aligned action taking.

There is, of course, a lot that goes into this: mastery of questioning skills and listening skills and acknowledging skills and strategizing skills and reflection skills; mastery of working with resistance and working with fear and working with self-sabotage and working with Shadow. READ MORE

Help Your Clients Get off the Wheel of Sabotage

One of the worst feelings in the world is seeing that a client is engaging in self-sabotage, yet not knowing, as the coach, how to guide her out of this behavior.

When a client is engaging in self-sabotage behavior, it can look like:

  • Client has stopped taking actions toward her goals
  • Client is taking actions that are actually moving her backwards instead of forward
  • Client is in a place of fear, shame and self-judgment
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    My First Bra (& how it relates to coaching)

    Plainly put: I grew boobs before most of the other girls in my grade.

    But I was in denial. I wasn’t one of those girls who wanted to grow up quickly. Even at a young age, time felt precious to me and I didn’t want to get any older any quicker.

    One day, early Autumn of the sixth grade, my mom came into my room without knocking. She was carrying a white plastic bag from the discount store, Marshalls. Very unceremoniously, she dumped the contents of the bag onto my bed. It was three bras…all white…looking pretty intimidating to me.

    “Time to start wearing a bra,” my mom told me.

    My mother and I had never had a conversation on the topic before. The foreign objects on my bed, in combination with the matter-of-factness of my mother’s voice felt shocking to me. I felt intruded upon, slightly under attack, maybe a little ashamed… and definitely wanted to have nothing to do with those bras. And wanted to have even less to do with my mom at that moment.

    I eventually wore one of the bras to school (& total hilarity ensued; that’s a story for another day), but why am I sharing this story with you?

    Because this was a GREAT example of what NOT to do when you are working with clients and wanting to Create Awareness for them.

    Creating Awareness is a vital coaching skill and coaching competency.

    Part of your job as a coach is to support clients to become aware of certain facts, ideas, notions and steps that they can’t see themselves. But HOW you support those clients to become aware makes all the difference.

    The truth is that my mother was right. Looking back now, I can see that in terms of how mature my physical body was, I was long overdue for a bra. It really was time.

    But while my body was ready, I personally needed to be invited to do so in a way that honored ALL of me. I needed maybe for my mom to create some tenderness and intimacy around the topic first. I needed maybe for her to ask my permission to talk about something sensitive. I needed for her to ask me how I felt about it and what was right for me.

    These are all components of the Creating Awareness skill you want to be using with clients.

    You may have an insight or piece of information that is TOTALLY vital for your client to hear. You want to be very, very VERY intentional about how you deliver that piece of information, how you create that awareness.

    It will make all the difference in the world in terms of how open or resistant your client will be to the new information, how they feel about themselves as they take in the new information, and how they trust and feel connected to you.

    So next time you are Creating Awareness with a client, take a moment to think about how you want to do it!

    State of the Union: The Transformational Industry

    State of the Union: The Transformational IndustryThe Transformational industry that I love so dearly is rapidly changing right now, and I want you to know what you can do to ensure that you are a practitioner who is totally in integrity, totally fulfilled, totally doing the deep and sacred work you’re meant to be doing…and to ensure that you are one of the practitioners who will actually have staying power as we leap into the next decade of this industry.

    Before I get to the critical pieces here, let me say this: I’m going to be sharing some hard truths, but with love and compassion. I want you to know that even with all of the critiques and hard truths I’ll be sharing, I absolutely love the coaching & transformational industries. It is one of the honors of my life to be one of the leaders of the industry. I believe there is so much goodness and so many wonderful practitioners. I believe that we are indeed making a very positive impact in the world. READ MORE