To be clear…

Last week I posted an article “Being a True Transformational Leader means doing your own Anti-Racism work” you can read it HERE.

I want to share the message again, and take it a step further in the hopes that it will be helpful:

If you are white, and want to be in-integrity calling yourself a transformational leader, coach, teacher or guide, it is important to:

1. Look at the biases & racist ideas that live deep inside of you. 

Even if you believe all people are & should be equal, you have been brought up within our culture’s systemic racism, and therefore you carry some unconscious racist ideas inside of you. 

Yes, this is painful & possibly shameful to acknowledge. 

The first time I really acknowledged the systemic racism inside of me was in 2016, and because I think of myself as “a good person”, it was absolutely excruciatingly painful. 

But it must be done. 

If you avoid your shame & don’t look at your biases head-on, you will continue to sleepwalk without seeing them….and inadvertently cause harm to black people and people of color.

2. Continue to acknowledge the impact of your privilege & root out the internalized racism inside of you. It’s not a once and done.

Looking at your deeper biases and how you take your privileges is not something that can be done only once. If done only once, the learning and the corrections don’t stick. True learning and transformation happen when you commit consistently and persistently. The moment you think you’re done is the moment you become complacent. I know that my own anti-racism journey will never be done.

As Andrea Ranae (@andrearanaej) says: “Anti-racism is not an identity or a checklist; it’s a practice.” READ MORE

Being a True Transformational Leader means doing your own Anti-Racism work

I have been outraged, horrified, and heartbroken yet again by the news this week that another unarmed black man was murdered by a police officer. George Floyd was brutally & needlessly killed because of racism. 

When there is a dynamic as horror-filled as racism that is pervasive in a society, like it is in ours, you can be sure that the racism isn’t simply out there and perpetrated by “other” white people. 

If you are white, like me, you don’t just spot it, you got it too. 

I know this is a strong statement, and may even be triggering, but please, keep reading. I’ll explain.

Racism is pervasive in society because it’s a collective Shadow, not just a Shadow for some people. And we must do the really hard & honest work to confront it & root it out inside ourselves. 

If you’re white and consider yourself, or desire to be, a leader or a guide for others, it is vital that you look at your own biases & your own conscious and unconscious implanted beliefs around people of color.  READ MORE

How to help clients move past self-doubt and judgment

One of the biggest reasons why I developed the Sacred Depths Coach Certification Program is because I see way too many amazing coaches out there not knowing what to do when their clients stop moving forward because of self-doubt and self-judgment.

You may know how it goes:

A client is steadily moving toward her goals, or has committed to starting toward her goals, and…

READ MORE

One of the Secrets to….Everything

For millennia, the wise women have understood and known how to navigate this particular key to life, and we need this key now more than ever before: Master the Paradox.

What is Mastering the Paradox?

It’s the knowing and living into the fact that opposites exist at the same time and sometimes inevitably need to be experienced at the same time.

It’s the understanding that life is not just one thing….that real life is a layered and complex, disorganized mishmash of things that at first seem to not go together. READ MORE

My First Bra (& how it relates to coaching)

Plainly put: I grew boobs before most of the other girls in my grade.

But I was in denial. I wasn’t one of those girls who wanted to grow up quickly. Even at a young age, time felt precious to me and I didn’t want to get any older any quicker.

One day, early Autumn of the sixth grade, my mom came into my room without knocking. She was carrying a white plastic bag from the discount store, Marshalls. Very unceremoniously, she dumped the contents of the bag onto my bed. It was three bras…all white…looking pretty intimidating to me.

“Time to start wearing a bra,” my mom told me.

My mother and I had never had a conversation on the topic before. The foreign objects on my bed, in combination with the matter-of-factness of my mother’s voice felt shocking to me. I felt intruded upon, slightly under attack, maybe a little ashamed… and definitely wanted to have nothing to do with those bras. And wanted to have even less to do with my mom at that moment.

I eventually wore one of the bras to school (& total hilarity ensued; that’s a story for another day), but why am I sharing this story with you?

Because this was a GREAT example of what NOT to do when you are working with clients and wanting to Create Awareness for them.

Creating Awareness is a vital coaching skill and coaching competency.

Part of your job as a coach is to support clients to become aware of certain facts, ideas, notions and steps that they can’t see themselves. But HOW you support those clients to become aware makes all the difference.

The truth is that my mother was right. Looking back now, I can see that in terms of how mature my physical body was, I was long overdue for a bra. It really was time.

But while my body was ready, I personally needed to be invited to do so in a way that honored ALL of me. I needed maybe for my mom to create some tenderness and intimacy around the topic first. I needed maybe for her to ask my permission to talk about something sensitive. I needed for her to ask me how I felt about it and what was right for me.

These are all components of the Creating Awareness skill you want to be using with clients.

You may have an insight or piece of information that is TOTALLY vital for your client to hear. You want to be very, very VERY intentional about how you deliver that piece of information, how you create that awareness.

It will make all the difference in the world in terms of how open or resistant your client will be to the new information, how they feel about themselves as they take in the new information, and how they trust and feel connected to you.

So next time you are Creating Awareness with a client, take a moment to think about how you want to do it!