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My Worst Client Case Study + How You Can Learn From Yours

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Just like everyone else, I’ve had some doozy client situations. What has really helped me become better and better and better as a practitioner is being willing to look closely and assess carefully client cases that aren’t working so well…even if it’s uncomfortable – almost painful! – to do so! (This is why in my coach trainings, we always have Client Case Clinics to look at the stuff that comes up).

I thought it would be valuable for you if I shared my Worst Client Case Study, and what I learned from it. Here we go!:

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Tales of Woe From The First Retreat I Led By Myself

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The first retreat I ever led by myself was 2-days long, and a massive learning lesson for me.

Before this retreat, I had led other retreats…but they had always been co-led. I hadn’t done them on my own.

It was the first retreat of five in a 9-month mastermind. 20 incredible women.

I wanted very much to serve them well. And if I’m honest with myself, I also wanted to impress them. I wanted them to like me. No, to adore me. And to think I was brilliant. And to feel they had made the right choice by investing with me.

So that meant that even though I was so excited about this retreat….I was also ridiculously nervous.

I spent weeks preparing like crazy for the curriculum and buying supplies. I put in hours to memorize parts of what I was going to say. And finally the night before the retreat came.

I crawled into bed at about 10:30pm so that I could get a good night’s sleep, and…didn’t fall asleep until after 5am. I was so nervous that my thoughts were moving way too quickly for my brain to settle down and let me rest.

I got about 90 minutes of sleep that night, ran out the door in the morning with barely any breakfast inside me, fueled by adrenaline.

I could feel my heart beating so strongly inside of me the entire subway ride to the retreat site. My underarms were totally sweaty. And I found myself wishing to be anywhere but on my way to this retreat.

I got to the retreat site before anyone else was there, set up the room, and then ran to the bathroom to hide in a stall and calm myself down enough to do the work I was there to do.

Sitting on the toilet, I practiced breathing, told myself all was well, and prayed a lot to be able to show up fully and open to be able to support the women in the room.

Still shaking, I emerged from the stall and walked into the retreat room, reminding myself to smile big and open my heart

In many ways, that first day went phenomenally well.

We created sacred space together, the women were open and engaged, the rituals I led inspired great emotion and breakthroughs. They were learning a lot and beginning to create trust and sisterhood with each other.

But…I didn’t give them (or me) much of a morning break. I didn’t eat or drink anything during that break.

We also paused way later than I had anticipated for lunch. After 1:30pm. I was still so nervous and so pumped with adrenaline that I barely ate or gave myself moments to rest.

And…I was exerting myself more than I needed to. Using all of my life force energy to hold the space instead of allowing the space to be held.

We continued on that day until close to 6pm.

And I was hosting a dinner for them that night at a restaurant across town.

All of the women left to rest and then head over to the restaurant. I stayed in the retreat room, cleaning up everything all by myself. I hadn’t made sure to have help with me.

I packed up my little suitcase full of all the items I had brought (we did a lot of experiential exercises), and running late, ran outside to try and catch a cab to the restaurant.

But it was rush hour in NYC and there wasn’t a cab to be found.

So I walked. It took me 30 minutes, lugging my suitcase, to walk to this dinner that I was hosting.

On the walk to the restaurant, my exhaustion hit me.

It wasn’t a normal exhaustion. It was the most tired I had ever felt in my life. A worn-out-ness that took over my entire body and mind.

I arrived to the restaurant late, sweaty, totally drained….and in no shape to hold the space for everyone, let alone even stand up straight.

So instead of enjoying this celebratory dinner that I had worked so hard for, and instead of getting to connect with these new women I was serving….I let all of my clients know that I was tired and I hopped in a cab back to Brooklyn.

All at the same time, I was so relieved to get into that cab….but also I felt like I had failed by leaving early.

And within 2-3 minutes of being in that cab, my stomach started to feel extremely queasy. I wanted to tell the cab driver to stop and to jump out immediately, but that wasn’t an option because I didn’t even feel strong enough to say a word out loud.

It was somewhere on the Brooklyn Bridge that I began vomiting profusely. I just vomited all over the back seat of that taxi. The driver, rightfully so, was not too happy.

We finally arrived at my apartment, and Jon had to come downstairs and help me up. I collapsed onto our bed, weeping, not knowing how I’d make it to the retreat for the second day.

Somehow, though, after a nice warm bath with Epsom salt, and a hearty meal, I slept that night. And stepped into a beautiful, powerful and transformative second day of the retreat.

That retreat was a potent learning experience for me. Here are some of the biggies:

  • Always make sure you eat enough and that your body is nourished before, during and after a retreat.
  • Take actions to calm down and balance your nervous system before, during, and after retreats.
  • Get enough sleep.
  • Get support for setup and clean up at retreats, even if it feels easy-peasy to do on your own.
  • Take lots of bathroom breaks, eat during snack times, break for lunch at a reasonable hour.
  • Give yourself and your participants plenty of open time.
  • Be fully present, yet don’t fall into the belief that you need to hold the space all on your own.
  • Serve because it is your mission and passion, not because you want to impress.

It would be a lie to say that I don’t still get nervous before retreats (& I’ve led dozens and dozens since that first one!). Nervousness is more than OK. It’s how you handle the nervousness and prepare for it that counts.

Would love to hear from you on some of your retreat tales of woe and what you learned!

How to Honor and Protect Your Time

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A colleague of mine recently confessed something that truly shocked me. She is a hardworking professional, someone I respect and admire, someone who exudes competence, authority, and wisdom – yet she told me this unbelievable story:

She had just agreed to work with a new client, and to begin their partnership she was to attend a training to familiarize herself with the client’s policies and procedures. The meeting took over three hours, and at the end of it, she examined the contractor’s agreement that the client had drawn up. In it, the terms of payment were outlined clearly, but nowhere was there any indication that this training session was to be paid. The client expected to not pay her for the training, and to never let her know upfront. Stunned and speechless, she signed the document, and that was that. She said nothing to change that expectation.

Does this sort of thing ever happen to you? Do you find yourself allowing others to eat up your time in ways that don’t feel right to you?

So, how can you help others to recognize that YOUR time is sacred? To RESPECT it? The key here is to address it head on. When you establish rules & boundaries for your time, you make it clear to others that it is valuable.

Each group of people in your soul-centered project and life needs to be educated in different ways so you can honor and protect your time:

How to Protect Your Time with Clients:

Once you realize that your schedule isn’t working for you and that you want to change it, (see Part 1 of this article on how to determine this) you need to communicate that to the people in your community. This can make even the most confident of us quail a bit, but take heart: I have never lost a single client due to changing my schedule. The key is to let clients know that your schedule will be changing with integrity and in a way that’s aligned with your energy. The new schedule will benefit both you and your client because with a schedule that TRULY works for you, you’ll have even more energy to serve them.
Let your clients know that your schedule is changing by sending an email that says something like this:

“Dear X, I’m excited to let you know that as of October 1, my hours are changing. My new hours are [insert new client hours here]. This schedule will allow me to focus even more fully on you, and serve you in even stronger ways than I have in the past. If you have any questions at all on this, please don’t hesitate to contact me.” This is a simple, fuss-free way to create new boundaries with clients.

How to Protect Your Time with Clients in Session-Based Appointments:

With session-based appointments, it is easy to run overtime, and if it happens once, it tends to continue over and over. It’s easy to get annoyed at clients for this or to get frustrated, but the truth is that it’s on YOU to end your sessions at the appropriate time.
Here are some tips:

  • Five minutes before the end of the session, directly tell the client that the session is ending and it’s time to wrap up
  • Lead them to this with some wrap-up questions or instructions
  • If the issue persists: Send clients an email letting them know that while you’ve been giving extra session time until now, that starting immediately, you’ll be honoring your session time. Let them know that this will help you serve more effectively, and will help you act as a model for them.

How to Protect Your Time with Team Members:

I hear from many folks that there are sometimes team members who haven’t been taking on responsibility, or are doing something the wrong way over and over, and those mistakes are costing time & money. If you have trouble setting boundaries, you might feel awkward, uncomfortable, or guilty about rocking the boat and letting that person know they have to take responsibility. But in your heart, you know that saying nothing will never solve it. The process here has a few steps.

  • Get clear on what the team member hasn’t been doing or has been doing incorrectly – both for yourself and for the team member. I highly suggest doing this in person or over the phone – NOT over email.
  • Let them know the consequences or repercussions of this: for example, “Every time you make a mistake with scheduling, it costs me time and my clients are not happy” or “I am up all night worrying that such and such did not get done; I am exhausted from it.” It is important that your team members understand exactly how their mistakes are affecting you, your clients, and your business.
  • Ask what support they need so they can do it correctly and in the right time, and give them a clear timeframe by which the issue needs to be resolved.
  • If the problem is a recurring issue then it may be time to acknowledge that the job is not a good fit for that person, and you need to let him or her go.

How to Protect Your Time with Partners Around Childcare or Household Duties:

If you’re taking on more responsibility at home than you want to, get clear on your need. Then get clear on why your need is so important. For example: I’m very busy with the kids and the house, and in all my extra time I’m working, but I really need time to exercise. If I had time to exercise 3 times per week, I’d be more relaxed, more energized, and not feel stressed and cranky all the time.

  • Set a time to speak with your partner – springing these conversations on people is never conducive to success! Make sure you have enough time and space and no distractions to have this conversation about your needs.
  • Speak from your heart lovingly about your need and why you need it. Ask your partner to either take on the task or to help find an alternate resolution. The key here isn’t to blame, but to make an aligned request. You might need to tweak or negotiate or brainstorm together from there, but the important thing is to make the request.

When you show others that your time is valuable by setting boundaries in these ways, you create a paradigm that fosters your ability to work efficiently, and promotes success in all your efforts.

Happy Monday Wise Women!

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A chunk of my time lately has been spent preparing for the Wise Woman Leadership Program (WWLP) that begins next month, and I wanted to bring you in behind the scenes on it.

I think of WWLP as THE foundational program for soul-centered women who are either beginning their entrepreneurial journey or ready for a serious upgrade in their developing business. It’s kind of like a 1-stop experience for the inner and outer tools you need to become visible, profitable, and poised to grow.

Because the beginning phases of business growth are so vital – there’s so much information to learn, skills to master, and fears to overcome – I take very special care with both the curriculum in WWLP as well as making sure that each woman in the program is held, seen, heard, and supported. The individual attention is so important to me and is also what makes Soulful Coaching programs unique, and I am working with my team on some pretty exciting new ways to take that to an even deeper level.

One thing we look at very carefully in the program is how to market effectively and soul-fully. That leads us to last week’s article – all about the best practices for obtaining the best testimonials. Don’t miss it and enjoy!

Big hug to you,
Joanna

Glowing Reviews and Testimonials: How to Get Them

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Enthusiastic reviews for your business or soul-centered project are a key way to support your marketing efforts. Marketing testing has demonstrated again and again that showcasing the positive opinions and comments from real clients can help you gain more new clients by over 150% versus not using testimonials.

Why are good testimonials so effective? Because your prospects get to hear, straight from the mouth of your satisfied customers, how beneficial your product or service is and why others should buy from you. Testimonials can be very powerful.
If you aren’t currently using testimonials in your marketing materials, or you are using testimonials but you sense they could be improved, here are some tips:

Ask for Testimonials

It sounds pretty obvious to ask clients for their thoughts at the end of a program or service project, but there are far too many entrepreneurs out there who don’t routinely do this. I hear from folks that you are often scared to ask for referrals – you either don’t want to take up someone’s time or you’re scared they don’t want to give a referral. 9 times out of 10 folks will be HAPPY you asked them – Make sure you ask for testimonials!

You can contact people individually or as a group via email, snail mail, or by distributing forms by hand when you are meeting with people. Always remember to give clients a deadline by which to hand their testimonial in to you, and also always remember to let your clients know how much you appreciate them and their willingness to support you in this way. Gratitude is SO important.

Guide Your Client through the Testimonial Process

The best testimonials are specific, detailed, and have a purpose in mind. I always recommend that you give your clients specific questions to answer about their experience with you.

Although it might allow respondents to answer more quickly, don’t ask only yes/no questions. Ask questions such as:

–What were things like before we started working together?

–How have things improved and changed through our work together?

–What have you enjoyed most about my product/service?

–What would you want other people to know about me/my product?

A powerful testimonial talks about a specific problem the client experienced before coming to you, and describes how you solved the problem. Structure your questions in such a way that people can’t get away with being vague. A testimonial that simply says “this class was awesome” doesn’t tell you much. A testimonial that says, “before I came to this class I couldn’t manage to sing in key, but now I can carry a tune all the way home” is far more compelling because you know why the class was so awesome.

Capture Organic Testimonials

Occasionally, clients will reach out to you rather than the other way around, just to let you know that they appreciate your service. When this happens, ask them if you can quote them. Tell them you’d like to share their comments so that others can benefit as well. Most people love to give advice and make recommendations, so being a source of information about your business allows them to do that. They will be flattered that you want to quote them, and more than happy to help you gain more business.

Where To Use Testimonials

You can and should use testimonials everywhere! The words of your clients can sell your product or service just as effectively – if not more so – than your own marketing materials. Here are some possible places to use testimonials:

  • on your website
  • on your resume
  • in your portfolio
  • on your quotes, order confirmations and invoices
  • in your print ads, sales letters, direct mail
  • when you encounter a barrier while talking to a client
  • on Twitter – in bite-sized pieces
  • on your blog – tell a success story about a client
  • in Facebook and Google+
  • in preview teleclasses and workshops (invite your testimonials to be with you live!)

Final Testimonial Tips

It’s ok to edit testimonials, especially if they are very long, and it’s definitely a good idea to correct any spelling mistakes. But try not to over-edit. Even if grammar errors make you cringe, they give some personal flavor and help remind people that it’s genuine.

Spread your testimonials out over your marketing materials. If you strategically place testimonials with relevant content they can have a big impact on how well the content is received.

Finally, whenever possible, use your client’s full name. It is important to get permission from your testimonial to do so, and using a client’s full name + either location or their website lends much, much more credibility to their testimonial because readers and prospects will see that your testimonials are real people celebrating you!

An Autumn Ritual Just For You: Release Obstacles Now!

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Autumn is the perfect time to clean out and let go of what no longer serves you in your life. And letting go through ritual can be very powerful!

Look around and notice that the days are getting shorter and the leaves are falling from the trees. Soon, there will be less bounty and abundance being offered from the flowers and plants. Nature is letting go of excess and stripping down to the essentials – to what is really necessary to get through the long, dark winter. These cues from nature are beautiful invitations to help you in identifying, releasing, and letting go of the excess. Nature is signaling that it’s time to let go of the things that are perhaps weighing you down in your life.

It’s important to “clean house” on an inner level every now and again, and take stock of what you’re holding onto.

So often, you hold on to old fears, resentments, habits, patterns, limiting beliefs, and ways of being because they FEEL comfortable, but that’s only because you’ve been holding on to them for so long. However, when you take a closer look, you can begin to see that these things no longer serve you, and in fact are standing in the way of your moving forward.

The tree metaphor applies here: imagine what might happen if trees never shed their leaves? Yes, they might not ever look bare, and there is comfort in always looking full and abundant. However, if the trees never shed their leaves, they would never have a chance to grow new leaves – new ideas, new projects, new beliefs, new opportunities. See where I’m going with this?

I’ve created a simple and special autumn ritual to be able to identify and let go of the things in your life that are ready to be released for you:

Autumn Ritual for Release

First, reserve some special time for yourself. Go to an outdoor place that feels sacred to you: a park, a stream, a path in the woods. Any place that feels safe and supportive for you. Bring paper and a pen.

In sacred outdoor space, sit down in a comfortable place. Connect with nature. Feel your seat on the ground, and take a couple of nice, deep breaths in – taking in the autumn air and feeling the energy of releasing and letting go.

Next, use your paper and pen and answer the following questions. Take some time to really feel into these questions:

  • What in your life or work currently feels like a burden to you?
  • What habits or patterns leave you feeling tired, overwhelmed, or bored?
  • What is currently wasting your time?
  • What are you most scared of right now?

Review your answers, and create a list of 3 things that you know you are really ready to let go of. This list should be things that you know in your heart are no longer serving you, even though they might feel comfortable for you.

Next, find 3 rocks or pebbles. Each of these rocks will represent one thing that you are ready to release, surrender, and let go of. Be clear for yourself what each rock represents. Take a moment as you pick up each rock or pebble from the ground, close your eyes, feel the rock in your hand and say to yourself, “this rock represents my fear of success,” or “this rock represents my addiction to sugar” or “this rock represents my relationship with my boyfriend.” Allow each rock to truly take on the energy of each thing you want to release.

Then, go on a mindful walk with your three rocks. On this walk, observe all the ways that each of your “rocks” have hindered your happiness and success. Then, as you are ready, let each rock go, one by one. Drop them to the ground, really feeling that you are symbolically letting go of each. If you are near water, you can throw each rock into the water, listening to the splash each rock makes as it hits the surface and sinks down. Then take a moment to notice how it feels in your body to commit to releasing each of these things.

Finally, write down a next action step for each of your items. For example, if one of your items is your addiction to sugar, a next action step might be to cut sugar out after 7pm. Bring your action sheet home, and keep it somewhere convenient, where you’ll be reminded of these steps often.

Action follows intention. This autumn ritual is a great way to partner your inner and outer energy to create positive change in your life!

Sacred Rituals for a New Year

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Over the next few days, I’ll be spending sacred time with family and friends for Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year.

This month is considered the holiest time of the year because it’s a time of assessing where you’ve gotten off track over the year, re-setting intentions to step into your biggest most aligned self, and focusing deeply on up-leveling your commitment to yourself, to spirit, and to supporting others in your circles and communities.

I love this time of year because it reminds me that I have not just an opportunity, but a sacred invitation, to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better friend, a better leader and a better coach. It reminds me that I can always start again, that there is no need to harp on what hasn’t worked out, but rather to focus on what can happen next, and that who I am counts very much.

I apply all of these principles to my business each and every day, and I’d like to teach you to do the same. These principles have helped me to joyfully grow my business way beyond my expectations, and to feel aligned with my work consistently.
Join me on October 4th for a very special and complimentary teleclass – “6 Essential Strategies for New and Emerging Entrepreneurs”, and I’ll share with you my “new year planning process” that I use for my business each year. It’s nearly 75-minutes of pure content, and you’ll want to take lots and lots of notes!

How to Honor & Protect Your Time and Energy, Part 1

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I’ve always been what I call an “over-responsibility” person. I used to feel that I had to make other people happy, had to meet their needs, no matter what. Regardless of what it might cost me.

When I first started my coaching practice, I did anything for any client – I charged ridiculously low rates, and I would meet them anytime, anywhere. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but in the beginning, I charged just $15 for a 45-minute session. I agreed to sessions at 6:30 AM. I did 11:00 PM sessions. I traveled to clients an hour each way, and still only charged $15 for the session – no charge for my travel time. As you can guess, that did not work! Not only was I under-earning, but I also had no time for marketing to grow my business, or for taking care of myself. I was stressed, exhausted, and often annoyed at my clients. But it wasn’t their fault I felt this way. The fault was mine – because I wasn’t setting any boundaries.

I’m sure many of you can see yourselves in my story. So, so, so many entrepreneurs, artists, and leaders have trouble with boundaries around time. Typical problems include:

  • Not enough time to work because you have guilt around childcare
  • Giving away too much time by constantly emailing clients
  • Excusing a client who cancels frequently (wasting your time)
  • Doing the work of others who are doing things incorrectly or not on time
  • Working overtime consistently because you fear telling your boss that the workload is too heavy

Once you realize that you’re dishonoring your time and dishonoring yourself, it’s time to sit down and get really clear on what you need. I have formulated a series of exercises that will enable you to establish a schedule that allows you time and freedom to accomplish your business and personal goals, and a series of healthy boundaries to serve as a framework for your success. With these boundaries, you can stop feeling overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or scared. You can stop worrying that you’re over-worked and start stepping into time and energy well-spent.

How you spend your time is how you live your life.

In this first section of How to Honor & Protect Your Time, let’s look at scheduling and prioritizing, because setting boundaries for yourself begins with time management.

First, get clear on the top two or three things you don’t have enough time for because of unhealthy boundaries. Is it marketing? Is it self-care? Is it time to write?

What are you losing out on because you’re not honoring your time?

Create Your Ideal Schedule

Creating an ideal schedule is KEY to setting time boundaries for yourself. The more clear you are on your schedule, on what you’d like to be doing at what moments, the easier it will be to honor your time, your energy, and what’s important to you.

 

 

 

To create your ideal schedule:

1) Draw a grid with a column for each day of the week, and a row for each hour of the day.

2) Assign work time and personal time.

3)Get more specific: Identify what you need to do and when you need to do it. Start with Monday – Friday, or Tuesday – Saturday, or whatever works for you. Include each thing you would be doing each day throughout the week, and at what time. Block out time with clients, marketing time, travel time, shopping for supplies time, yoga time, family time. Include team meetings, networking events, even dentist appointments. When you can see that on your schedule, you’ve begun to create boundaries for yourself. The more you get clear on your schedule, the less scattered you are, and the more you are able to open time for yourself.

Determine Necessary Tasks

The next tool you need is to be able to get clear on what tasks you do that are worth your while. This is so important to being able to honor your time because it allows you to really prioritize what is most important and stick to it.

For this, make a running list of every single thing you do for one week – start today. Once you’ve followed yourself and your activities for a week, the next step is to categorize your activities this way:

  • Category 1 – essential tasks you currently don’t lose time on because the boundaries are good
  • Category 2 – essential tasks you want to keep but could use a better system or could streamline
  • Category 3 – non-essential tasks to either eliminate or to save for another time
  • Category 4 – tasks to delegate, which are essential but which you can give to someone else

Be honest with yourself. You’ll see some important things as you mark your tasks in this way. You might see that you need an intern or a team member. Or maybe there are things you’re spending time on that aren’t benefiting you. When you compare your actual schedule with your ideal schedule, you can apply the task categories to bring the actual schedule closer to your ideal.

Look for How to Honor & Protect Your Time, Part 2 next week, in which we’ll examine specific tactics and conversations to have for boundary-setting around time!

Birthday Special!

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I’m still settling into my new home in NC, but wanted to give you a heads up on a gift in honor of my birthday, which is TODAY. (Any other Virgos in the house?)

I love my birthday, and love to give to others on it, so I always gift the Soulful Coaching community with a special something this time of year.

This gift is designed to move you OUT of:

  • Fear
  • Frustration
  • Flakiness

And move you into:

  • Visibility
  • Prosperity
  • Creativity

For 3 days only I’m offering a massive discount on the Wise Woman Leadership Program.
Wise Woman Leadership is THE place you want to be if you are ready to present the world with your business or soul-centered project. It is a comprehensive, intensive, full-service experience that will teach to grow and monetize your passion.

Here’s what one graduate of the program said:

“If you have your burning dream and are just starting out with it, not quite sure where to begin, how to focus or how to get your message out there, this program is the vital first step in helping you to clarify and put steps into place to make this happen. You WILL move forward on this program, there is no way not to. We cover so much ground corresponding to the main areas that need to be put in place to create a successful business.

Taking the time to look back over what I have accomplished as a result of the program reveals layer upon layer which doesn’t cease to amaze me! On an inner level my confidence in myself, my knowledge, education and what I want to share with the world has hugely increased. On an outer level I have put in place a solid foundation on which to build and market my programs and business.” –Caroline Cain, CarolineCain.dk

If you’re ready, NOW is the time. We’re over 50% full, and this special discount will last only until Friday at midnight.

If the program is right for you, but you want to talk about it to make sure, go ahead and reserve your spot at the discounted rate, and then let us know you’d like to talk. If after we speak, you feel the program isn’t for you, we’ll refund you in full right away.

Again, the link to register is: http://www.soulfulcoach.com/wwlp-birthday.php

With love,

Joanna

p.s. – My team manager, Sophie, shares the same birthday with me! So it’s a double birthday special!

Conquer Your Fear and Step Into the Light!

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We all experience fear differently. It rears its ugly head in many creative ways. When you are trying to bring your Soul-Centered Project into the world, that fear is often about visibility. You’re afraid of being seen because someone might think you’re a fraud. Or that you’re too old. Or too young and inexperienced. Or the fear is that you’ll be rejected. It’s easy to let that fear take over and hide away!

Yet, one thing is true about fear across the board: If you fail to address the fear when it comes up, your chances of achieving those juicy goals that you set out for yourself decrease drastically.

So how do I take on my fears?

 

I’m going to share with you three of my top ways to deal with fear, and avoid its paralyzing effects:

1) Identify How Your Fear Expresses Itself in Your Life

Fear takes you hostage because you often do not recognize that you are afraid! These “fear-based expressions” are much trickier than you first realize, yet so important to identify and pay attention to because they can cause pain and anxiety in your life.

There are three main ways in which our fears become expressed in our lives. I call them “fear-based expressions.” They are:

a) Body-based Expressions: These are fear-based symptoms that are expressed distinctly in your body. Perhaps you get a stomachache, your head begins to throb, or that old knee injury comes back for a painful visit.

b) Self-doubt and Criticism Expressions: Fear often expresses itself through self-doubt and self-criticism. You tell yourself things like, “You don’t look right!” or “You don’t present well” or “Who do you think you are? You aren’t good enough.”

c) Self-Sabotage Expressions: Self-sabotage symptoms are obstacles you put in your own way. We often soothe fears by sabotaging ourselves and our goals: by becoming indecisive, by “losing” documents, by forgetting to set the alarm, by deciding to do the laundry instead of writing the cover letter, on and on. Many people sabotage themselves by not making themselves and their Soul-Centered Project known in the world. Sound familiar?

Take Action: Think: what are your fear-based expressions? Take a few minutes and make a list of all the body based, self-doubt based, and self-sabotage based ways fear plays out in your life.

2) Identify What’s at Risk

It is my firm belief that fear always arises as a “red-alert” when something is at risk if you pursue a particular goal. For example, if you were to promote your business, perhaps what’s at risk is that people won’t sign up for your program. Or, that they won’t pay attention to what you have to say. Perhaps what’s at risk is the salary or connections you’ve made in your current position.

It’s important to ask the question, “What’s at risk for me if I were to really make myself visible?” because the risk IS what you are scared of.

Action Step: Journal on the following question: What’s at risk for you if you were to get visibility and be seen?

3) Name Your Fear and Embrace It

Now that you know what your REAL fear is (what’s at risk), it’s time to name it, feel it in your body, and embrace it. Yup, I’m serious. If fear is the big elephant in the room, and it’s not named or welcomed, then you can never really get to know it well enough to ask it to go away. Don’t be embarrassed about it; we ALL have fears, even the most successful or the most confident of us. It’s part of our human nature. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t get scared sometimes.

 

Action Step A: Name Your Fear. Simply name it in a word or two or three. “I am scared of failing,” or “I am scared of being ignored,” or “I am scared that I don’t look right.”

Action Step B: Feel the fear in your body. Take a few moments. Slow down. Close your eyes and notice where the fear lives in your body. Do you feel it in your shoulders, in your stomach? How does your fear affect you physically?

Action Step C: Embrace Your Fear. Perhaps you want to write it on a big piece of paper and hang it up on your refrigerator or your bathroom mirror. Perhaps you want to carry it around in your purse for a few days. Perhaps you want to write it in an email that you send to yourself or your best friend. However you do it, make it a point of embracing the thing that you are scared of. This simple act will take some of the emotional charge out of the fear and allow you to see it for what it really is.

Congratulations! After these first three steps, you probably know much more now about the nature of your fear and how it affects your life. These are great strides toward releasing this particular fear from your life, and gaining the visibility that you and your Soul-Centered project need to thrive!