Let’s talk about the difference between coaching & consulting, and how this distinction radically affects your client results and your business.
I’ve seen a trend happening over the last 6 or so years: coaches, teachers and healers are doing less & less coaching, teaching and healing…and more and more consulting.
In other words, practitioners have been shying away from the coaching principles of:
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Even though I’ve been coaching and facilitating transformation for nearly twenty years now, my answer to the question: “What is the one thing in your business that has the potential to make you cringe the most?” would be the same today as it was twenty years.
The thing in my business that has the potential to make me cringe the most is the thought that I am not supporting my clients in the most valuable and masterful ways possible.
This is more important to me than anything else – than marketing success, than visibility, that income.
For me, providing exquisite and highly skilled service, as well as transformation, is BAR NONE.
If you feel the same way I do, then I’m so happy to share this article with you! READ MORE
Just like everyone else, I’ve had some doozy client situations. What has really helped me become better and better and better as a practitioner is being willing to look closely and assess carefully client cases that aren’t working so well…even if it’s uncomfortable – almost painful! – to do so! (This is why in my coach trainings, we always have Client Case Clinics to look at the stuff that comes up).
I thought it would be valuable for you if I shared my Worst Client Case Study, and what I learned from it. Here we go!:
I know, I know – Positive Thinking is a good thing. I admire and have learned a lot from those who naturally have a positive outlook on life. For better or worse, I did not grow up in an environment that modeled any kind of positive thinking. In fact, quite the opposite. I grew up with two immigrant parents whose own parents had survived the Holocaust. My parents trusted no one, always expected the worst, and because of their own trauma, they were perceiving a constant threat of annihilation. It was kind of like living in Catastrophic Thinking Central.
Needless to say, my proclivity towards the negative (& my neurotic quirks!) speak for themselves!
In my early 20s, I learned about the power of looking through more hopeful and happier lenses, and I’ve been dutifully working on my own positive thinking ever since. I find it powerful and very helpful.
BUT.
And this is a HUGE “But”…
Over the summer, I had a private session with a client who had been in session with her healer the week before.
My client was telling me that her Healer had intuited that she needed to go to the beach for a week. It sounded like a good idea to my client because she trusts this healer’s intuition, yet she told him she was feeling stressed out and pressured because she just couldn’t figure out how to make a week away that month fit with her life.
Here’s a coaching, facilitation, teaching (and marketing) tool that I live by:
It is vitally important to reveal yourself, your imperfections, your not-so-great outcomes, and your not-so-happy qualities to your clients, students and community.
The transformational industry is FULL of gurus who seem picture perfect. They have “perfect” businesses; they apparently learn their lessons very quickly; they apparently don’t make mistakes; they apparently don’t really have sh*t happen to them
This is damaging to their communities – and specifically to their clients.
Because as a coach or practitioner, if you don’t consciously reveal your imperfections to your clients….they can make the mistake of believing that things happen perfectly for you.
And that essentially means that you become, in my opinion, a very, very dangerous role model.
Because no one is perfect, no one’s business is perfect, no one’s health is perfect, etc.
But your clients believe that if you – their coach or leader – don’t have frustrations, don’t have obstacles, don’t have hardships, that they should be able to attain it too.
And that’s a setup for failure, for frustration, and for unhappiness.
When I am with my clients and students, I never hesitate to share about my not-so-great moments, my not-so-great launches, my not-so-pretty feelings (yes, I get jealous and negative sometimes!), and my sweaty armpits (always happens when I facilitate!).
Of course, I share only when appropriate and only as much as is necessary to make the point: that I am human, just like my client is human, and we are bound to have imperfect lives and businesses. And this is as it should be.
When we are coaching or facilitating, we need to remember that when we show that we struggle with some things, that things don’t always go according to our plans….we are giving permission to our clients to not be so hard on themselves, to not be so self-judgmental, and to not think something is very wrong with them because they haven’t achieved enough.
This is the ONLY way real growth can happen. And this is the ONLY way real movement towards goals can happen.
And quite honestly, this is the only way real self-love can deepen (& I believe that at the core of ANY coach’s or practioner’s job, this is one of the most sacred).
When I train practitioners in Sacred Depths Coach Training, we spend a full module just on how to support clients through the Myth of Perfection. In addition to the inner work tools I share with my coaches on this, I also always share this important principle:
Remember that when you are someone’s coach, teacher or facilitator…you also bear the responsibility of being their role model. And being a role model doesn’t mean showing up as an image of perfection.
Over the summer, I had a private session with a client who had been in session with her healer the week before.
My client was telling me that her Healer had intuited that she needed to go to the beach for a week. It sounded like a good idea to my client because she trusts this healer’s intuition, yet she told him she was feeling stressed out and pressured because she just couldn’t figure out how to make a week away that month fit with her life.
