Intuition

How to Create Soul-Centered Relationships

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Is there a person in your life or at work who consistently lets you down? Does this person fail to give you the support you need, or make you feel resentful about the fairness of your relationship? Even if you really like or even love this person, do you suspect that this person is in some way detrimental to you or your soul-centered project?

Relationships are absolutely essential, even fundamental, to the success of any soul-centered venture. Soul-centered relationships are vital to any performance you’re in, any book you want to write, exhibition you want to create or participate in, conference you want to organize, or project you spearhead.

Relationships are so important because when it comes down to it, you can’t succeed alone. To be fair, maybe you can “get it done” by yourself. But it takes way too much energy and is not as much fun if you do it alone.

Additionally, the bigger you get, the bigger your vision, and the more expansive you become, you literally cannot do everything yourself. Just as a timely example, the President of the U.S. would not be able to run the country without help and support in various ways from others!

What often happens is that you set out to do it alone or you have others’ help, but something isn’t quite right. Maybe there’s imbalance or resentment, or something missing. That’s not a soul-centered, aligned relationship.

When your relationships are misaligned, you are going to have a lot of problems.

To understand what’s happening in your relationships, it’s wise to assess where you are (or not), and to get more clarity on how to really uplevel those relationships. This way, not only can you accomplish your goals, but you do it with a heart filled with love, energy and joy.

The first step is to define the different kinds of people with you in relationships, and to identify what about the relationship makes you feel off-kilter or uncomfortable. It’s that hard-to-pinpoint feeling of discomfort when you know something isn’t working. A mentor of mine calls it a “wiggly-niggly” feeling. You know it when you feel it!

  • Team members. These are employees or any other people helping you on an ongoing basis. The wiggly-niggly with these people might be that no matter how many times you give them instructions, they just don’t get it right.
  • Partners. These can be business partners, collaborative partners, and joint venture partners. Oftentimes the wiggly-niggly is unspoken resentment or that things are not quite in balance. One person is working hard and the other person is slacking off. Or one is really promoting the venture and the other isn’t.
  • Clients. Anyone who has come to see your performance, a reader of your book, a viewer of your artwork, or someone who hires your services. The wiggly-niggly there is if you get annoyed easily at one of your clients. Does this client show up late and expect you to go overtime? Do they not pay? Or do they get intimidated or anxious if you reach out to new prospects?
  • Contractors. Similar to a team member but not someone on an ongoing basis. Maybe this person is a logo designer, a caterer for an event, or the rep for a venue you’re renting. Those types of relationships can get wiggly when someone doesn’t follow through on a contract. Or they might be hard to contact once you paid them. Or you feel you overpaid and you resent it but you never say anything or try to negotiate.
  • Employers. This could also be a supervisor. Often there can be resentment or feelings of unfairness in these types of relationships.
  • Your mentors & teachers. The wiggly-niggly energy here can make you feel shy, scared, entitled, or not deserving.

  • Main emotional support relationship. This could be your spouse, sister, parent, best friend, etc. There are all kinds of possibilities for wiggly-niggly with these relationships!

Assessing: Evaluate the Relationships

Ask yourself the following questions. Let your inner Wise Woman answer. Don’t try to overthink anything. You already know the answers.

  • Of the different relationship types listed above, which are the ones where you have the strongest relationships? Where do you feel on target, you know it’s soul-centered and you’re really clean in your energy?
  • How are those so aligned? What makes them so good and aligned?
  • Which types of relationships give you trouble currently and consistently?
  • For each of these, how would you characterize the trouble, the misalignment, or the unclean energy?
  • What’s the result of this trouble? How does it impact your soul-centered project? Be as specific as you can get with current situations.
  • Which of those categories are vital to your soul-centered project? Which ones are game-changers for your project, such that you truly need for them to be aligned in order to move forward?

  • Why are those vital? What result will it yield if you are able to create or deepen a soul-centered relationship?

This is where I see leaders falter and self-sabotage repeatedly. It happens with team members, or a client relationship, or a partner. Maybe you end that relationship, but you don’t heal it. And you end up recreating it elsewhere with someone else experiencing that same dynamic.

Creating Your Ideal Relationships

Identifying and evaluating your relationships is the first step to healing them. The next step is to get clear on what your ideal relationships would look like. To do so, journal on the following questions:

  • What do you want this relationship to look like? How do you want it to change?
  • What is required of you on an outer level to make that change happen?

  • What would be required of you on an inner level?

Put Your Awareness into Motion for Soul-Centered Success

The Next Step is to take action. What are your next 3 baby steps to create Soul-Centered Relationships, and soul-centered success?

Happy Monday Wise Women!

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A chunk of my time lately has been spent preparing for the Wise Woman Leadership Program (WWLP) that begins next month, and I wanted to bring you in behind the scenes on it.

I think of WWLP as THE foundational program for soul-centered women who are either beginning their entrepreneurial journey or ready for a serious upgrade in their developing business. It’s kind of like a 1-stop experience for the inner and outer tools you need to become visible, profitable, and poised to grow.

Because the beginning phases of business growth are so vital – there’s so much information to learn, skills to master, and fears to overcome – I take very special care with both the curriculum in WWLP as well as making sure that each woman in the program is held, seen, heard, and supported. The individual attention is so important to me and is also what makes Soulful Coaching programs unique, and I am working with my team on some pretty exciting new ways to take that to an even deeper level.

One thing we look at very carefully in the program is how to market effectively and soul-fully. That leads us to last week’s article – all about the best practices for obtaining the best testimonials. Don’t miss it and enjoy!

Big hug to you,
Joanna

Glowing Reviews and Testimonials: How to Get Them

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Enthusiastic reviews for your business or soul-centered project are a key way to support your marketing efforts. Marketing testing has demonstrated again and again that showcasing the positive opinions and comments from real clients can help you gain more new clients by over 150% versus not using testimonials.

Why are good testimonials so effective? Because your prospects get to hear, straight from the mouth of your satisfied customers, how beneficial your product or service is and why others should buy from you. Testimonials can be very powerful.
If you aren’t currently using testimonials in your marketing materials, or you are using testimonials but you sense they could be improved, here are some tips:

Ask for Testimonials

It sounds pretty obvious to ask clients for their thoughts at the end of a program or service project, but there are far too many entrepreneurs out there who don’t routinely do this. I hear from folks that you are often scared to ask for referrals – you either don’t want to take up someone’s time or you’re scared they don’t want to give a referral. 9 times out of 10 folks will be HAPPY you asked them – Make sure you ask for testimonials!

You can contact people individually or as a group via email, snail mail, or by distributing forms by hand when you are meeting with people. Always remember to give clients a deadline by which to hand their testimonial in to you, and also always remember to let your clients know how much you appreciate them and their willingness to support you in this way. Gratitude is SO important.

Guide Your Client through the Testimonial Process

The best testimonials are specific, detailed, and have a purpose in mind. I always recommend that you give your clients specific questions to answer about their experience with you.

Although it might allow respondents to answer more quickly, don’t ask only yes/no questions. Ask questions such as:

–What were things like before we started working together?

–How have things improved and changed through our work together?

–What have you enjoyed most about my product/service?

–What would you want other people to know about me/my product?

A powerful testimonial talks about a specific problem the client experienced before coming to you, and describes how you solved the problem. Structure your questions in such a way that people can’t get away with being vague. A testimonial that simply says “this class was awesome” doesn’t tell you much. A testimonial that says, “before I came to this class I couldn’t manage to sing in key, but now I can carry a tune all the way home” is far more compelling because you know why the class was so awesome.

Capture Organic Testimonials

Occasionally, clients will reach out to you rather than the other way around, just to let you know that they appreciate your service. When this happens, ask them if you can quote them. Tell them you’d like to share their comments so that others can benefit as well. Most people love to give advice and make recommendations, so being a source of information about your business allows them to do that. They will be flattered that you want to quote them, and more than happy to help you gain more business.

Where To Use Testimonials

You can and should use testimonials everywhere! The words of your clients can sell your product or service just as effectively – if not more so – than your own marketing materials. Here are some possible places to use testimonials:

  • on your website
  • on your resume
  • in your portfolio
  • on your quotes, order confirmations and invoices
  • in your print ads, sales letters, direct mail
  • when you encounter a barrier while talking to a client
  • on Twitter – in bite-sized pieces
  • on your blog – tell a success story about a client
  • in Facebook and Google+
  • in preview teleclasses and workshops (invite your testimonials to be with you live!)

Final Testimonial Tips

It’s ok to edit testimonials, especially if they are very long, and it’s definitely a good idea to correct any spelling mistakes. But try not to over-edit. Even if grammar errors make you cringe, they give some personal flavor and help remind people that it’s genuine.

Spread your testimonials out over your marketing materials. If you strategically place testimonials with relevant content they can have a big impact on how well the content is received.

Finally, whenever possible, use your client’s full name. It is important to get permission from your testimonial to do so, and using a client’s full name + either location or their website lends much, much more credibility to their testimonial because readers and prospects will see that your testimonials are real people celebrating you!

Autumn Equinox Update

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Happy Autumn Equinox! (for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere)

I love, love, love this time of year – I love the smell of Autumn, the crispness in the air, delicious apples, and getting to wear sweaters. Yay!

And this week, the week of the Autumn Equinox, is an especially powerful time. It’s the moment where we cross the threshold from Summer to Fall, from the long days of socializing and being outdoors to the shorter days and drawing inwards. Many healers, shamans, astrologers and spiritual leaders believe that this week is a magical time for connecting more deeply to your dreams, your insights, and your intuition. So – keep a dream journal by your bed over the weeks to come!

I enjoy tapping into the elevated energy at this time of year, and I spend time in ritual, working on creating a powerful transition from Summer to Autumn and on letting go of whatever is standing in my way of moving forward. I’ll be sharing this energy with the women who are beginning Soul-Centered Leadership 2 this week; so excited for that.

And we’ve got just a couple spots left in the Wise Woman Leadership Program that begins next month. This 8-month training is for women who are ready to learn the foundational principles of launching a successful soul-centered project, from getting clear on exactly how and who you serve to visibility and marketing strategies.

If you’ve been curious about the program, but have been wanting to learn more, I’m excited to invite you to a special Preview Teleclass where I’ll be sharing some of the secrets you will learn in the program. The teleclass is my gift to you, and you can register HERE.

Big hug to you,

Joanna

An Autumn Ritual Just For You: Release Obstacles Now!

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Autumn is the perfect time to clean out and let go of what no longer serves you in your life. And letting go through ritual can be very powerful!

Look around and notice that the days are getting shorter and the leaves are falling from the trees. Soon, there will be less bounty and abundance being offered from the flowers and plants. Nature is letting go of excess and stripping down to the essentials – to what is really necessary to get through the long, dark winter. These cues from nature are beautiful invitations to help you in identifying, releasing, and letting go of the excess. Nature is signaling that it’s time to let go of the things that are perhaps weighing you down in your life.

It’s important to “clean house” on an inner level every now and again, and take stock of what you’re holding onto.

So often, you hold on to old fears, resentments, habits, patterns, limiting beliefs, and ways of being because they FEEL comfortable, but that’s only because you’ve been holding on to them for so long. However, when you take a closer look, you can begin to see that these things no longer serve you, and in fact are standing in the way of your moving forward.

The tree metaphor applies here: imagine what might happen if trees never shed their leaves? Yes, they might not ever look bare, and there is comfort in always looking full and abundant. However, if the trees never shed their leaves, they would never have a chance to grow new leaves – new ideas, new projects, new beliefs, new opportunities. See where I’m going with this?

I’ve created a simple and special autumn ritual to be able to identify and let go of the things in your life that are ready to be released for you:

Autumn Ritual for Release

First, reserve some special time for yourself. Go to an outdoor place that feels sacred to you: a park, a stream, a path in the woods. Any place that feels safe and supportive for you. Bring paper and a pen.

In sacred outdoor space, sit down in a comfortable place. Connect with nature. Feel your seat on the ground, and take a couple of nice, deep breaths in – taking in the autumn air and feeling the energy of releasing and letting go.

Next, use your paper and pen and answer the following questions. Take some time to really feel into these questions:

  • What in your life or work currently feels like a burden to you?
  • What habits or patterns leave you feeling tired, overwhelmed, or bored?
  • What is currently wasting your time?
  • What are you most scared of right now?

Review your answers, and create a list of 3 things that you know you are really ready to let go of. This list should be things that you know in your heart are no longer serving you, even though they might feel comfortable for you.

Next, find 3 rocks or pebbles. Each of these rocks will represent one thing that you are ready to release, surrender, and let go of. Be clear for yourself what each rock represents. Take a moment as you pick up each rock or pebble from the ground, close your eyes, feel the rock in your hand and say to yourself, “this rock represents my fear of success,” or “this rock represents my addiction to sugar” or “this rock represents my relationship with my boyfriend.” Allow each rock to truly take on the energy of each thing you want to release.

Then, go on a mindful walk with your three rocks. On this walk, observe all the ways that each of your “rocks” have hindered your happiness and success. Then, as you are ready, let each rock go, one by one. Drop them to the ground, really feeling that you are symbolically letting go of each. If you are near water, you can throw each rock into the water, listening to the splash each rock makes as it hits the surface and sinks down. Then take a moment to notice how it feels in your body to commit to releasing each of these things.

Finally, write down a next action step for each of your items. For example, if one of your items is your addiction to sugar, a next action step might be to cut sugar out after 7pm. Bring your action sheet home, and keep it somewhere convenient, where you’ll be reminded of these steps often.

Action follows intention. This autumn ritual is a great way to partner your inner and outer energy to create positive change in your life!

Sacred Rituals for a New Year

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Over the next few days, I’ll be spending sacred time with family and friends for Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year.

This month is considered the holiest time of the year because it’s a time of assessing where you’ve gotten off track over the year, re-setting intentions to step into your biggest most aligned self, and focusing deeply on up-leveling your commitment to yourself, to spirit, and to supporting others in your circles and communities.

I love this time of year because it reminds me that I have not just an opportunity, but a sacred invitation, to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better friend, a better leader and a better coach. It reminds me that I can always start again, that there is no need to harp on what hasn’t worked out, but rather to focus on what can happen next, and that who I am counts very much.

I apply all of these principles to my business each and every day, and I’d like to teach you to do the same. These principles have helped me to joyfully grow my business way beyond my expectations, and to feel aligned with my work consistently.
Join me on October 4th for a very special and complimentary teleclass – “6 Essential Strategies for New and Emerging Entrepreneurs”, and I’ll share with you my “new year planning process” that I use for my business each year. It’s nearly 75-minutes of pure content, and you’ll want to take lots and lots of notes!

How to Honor and Protect Your Time Part 2

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A colleague of mine recently confessed something that truly shocked me. She is a hardworking professional, someone I respect and admire, someone who exudes competence, authority, and wisdom – yet she told me this unbelievable story:

She had just agreed to work with a new client, and to begin their partnership she was to attend a training to familiarize herself with the client’s policies and procedures. The meeting took over three hours, and at the end of it, she examined the contractor’s agreement that the client had drawn up. In it, the terms of payment were outlined clearly, but nowhere was there any indication that this training session was to be paid. The client expected to not pay her for the training, and to never let her know upfront. Stunned and speechless, she signed the document, and that was that. She said nothing to change that expectation.

Does this sort of thing ever happen to you? Do you find yourself allowing others to eat up your time in ways that don’t feel right to you?

So, how can you help others to recognize that YOUR time is sacred? To RESPECT it? The key here is to address it head on. When you establish rules & boundaries for your time, you make it clear to others that it is valuable.

Each group of people in your soul-centered project and life needs to be educated in different ways so you can honor and protect your time:

How to Protect Your Time with Clients: Once you realize that your schedule isn’t working for you and that you want to change it, (see Part 1 of this article on how to determine this) you need to communicate that to the people in your community. This can make even the most confident of us quail a bit, but take heart: I have never lost a single client due to changing my schedule. The key is to let clients know that your schedule will be changing with integrity and in a way that’s aligned with your energy. The new schedule will benefit both you and your client because with a schedule that TRULY works for you, you’ll have even more energy to serve them.

Let your clients know that your schedule is changing by sending an email that says something like this:

“Dear X, I’m excited to let you know that as of October 1, my hours are changing. My new hours are [insert new client hours here]. This schedule will allow me to focus even more fully on you, and serve you in even stronger ways than I have in the past. If you have any questions at all on this, please don’t hesitate to contact me.” This is a simple, fuss-free way to create new boundaries with clients.

How to Protect Your Time with Clients in Session-Based Appointments: With session-based appointments, it is easy to run overtime, and if it happens once, it tends to continue over and over. It’s easy to get annoyed at clients for this or to get frustrated, but the truth is that it’s on YOU to end your sessions at the appropriate time. Here are some tips:

 

    • Five minutes before the end of the session, directly tell the client that the session is ending and it’s time to wrap up

 

  • Lead them to this with some wrap-up questions or instructions

 

 

  • If the issue persists: Send clients an email letting them know that while you’ve been giving extra session time until now, that starting immediately, you’ll be honoring your session time. Let them know that this will help you serve more effectively, and will help you act as a model for them.

 

How to Protect Your Time with Team Members: I hear from many folks that there are sometimes team members who haven’t been taking on responsibility, or are doing something the wrong way over and over, and those mistakes are costing time & money. If you have trouble setting boundaries, you might feel awkward, uncomfortable, or guilty about rocking the boat and letting that person know they have to take responsibility. But in your heart, you know that saying nothing will never solve it. The process here has a few steps.

    • Get clear on what the team member hasn’t been doing or has been doing incorrectly – both for yourself and for the team member. I highly suggest doing this in person or over the phone – NOT over email.

 

  • Let them know the consequences or repercussions of this: for example, “Every time you make a mistake with scheduling, it costs me time and my clients are not happy” or “I am up all night worrying that such and such did not get done; I am exhausted from it.” It is important that your team members understand exactly how their mistakes are affecting you, your clients, and your business.

 

 

  • Ask what support they need so they can do it correctly and in the right time, and give them a clear timeframe by which the issue needs to be resolved.

 

 

  • If the problem is a recurring issue then it may be time to acknowledge that the job is not a good fit for that person, and you need to let him or her go.

 

How to Protect Your Time with Partners Around Childcare or Household Duties: If you’re taking on more responsibility at home than you want to, get clear on your need. Then get clear on why your need is so important. For example: I’m very busy with the kids and the house, and in all my extra time I’m working, but I really need time to exercise. If I had time to exercise 3 times per week, I’d be more relaxed, more energized, and not feel stressed and cranky all the time.

    • Set a time to speak with your partner – springing these conversations on people is never conducive to success! Make sure you have enough time and space and no distractions to have this conversation about your needs.

 

  • Speak from your heart lovingly about your need and why you need it. Ask your partner to either take on the task or to help find an alternate resolution. The key here isn’t to blame, but to make an aligned request. You might need to tweak or negotiate or brainstorm together from there, but the important thing is to make the request.

 

When you show others that your time is valuable by setting boundaries in these ways, you create a paradigm that fosters your ability to work efficiently, and promotes success in all your efforts.

We are ALL Wise Women!

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Can you believe it’s already September? I can’t. The summer has flown by!

I am officially back in the office after a month off, and I am feeling relaxed, rejuvenated and very excited to jump back into my work.

Things are pretty busy here at Soulful Coaching. The Soul-Centered Leadership program has sold out AGAIN, and the Wise Woman Leadership Program is nearly 70% full. September and October are such exciting months because Soul-Centered Leadership begins this month, and Wise Woman begins next month, which means that I get to welcome back incredible women who are continuing their journey with me and also welcome in new women who are just beginning. I love, love, love it!!!!!

Why?

Because the women who say YES to Soulful Coaching Programs are truly some of the most incredible, intelligent and inspiring women you will ever meet. I am fully in awe of them,

Photo Credit: walkswithin.com

and I feel it is an honor and a privilege to be serving and supporting such amazing leaders and entrepreneurs, and holding their hands as they step into bigger versions of themselves and pursue their dreams. It brings me to my knees, and I thank the Universe for this privilege every day.

If you know that you are a Soulful Coaching leader or entrepreneur, and you are ready to step into a Soulful Coaching experience, I highly highly recommend you check out the Wise Woman Leadership Program. It could be one of the most important decisions you ever make for yourself. I’m serious.

And, I hope you enjoy this week’s article – it’s all about protecting and honoring your time and your energy: HUGELY important to creating your Soul-Centered Project and your happiness.






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How to Honor & Protect Your Time and Energy, Part 1

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I’ve always been what I call an “over-responsibility” person. I used to feel that I had to make other people happy, had to meet their needs, no matter what. Regardless of what it might cost me.

When I first started my coaching practice, I did anything for any client – I charged ridiculously low rates, and I would meet them anytime, anywhere. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but in the beginning, I charged just $15 for a 45-minute session. I agreed to sessions at 6:30 AM. I did 11:00 PM sessions. I traveled to clients an hour each way, and still only charged $15 for the session – no charge for my travel time. As you can guess, that did not work! Not only was I under-earning, but I also had no time for marketing to grow my business, or for taking care of myself. I was stressed, exhausted, and often annoyed at my clients. But it wasn’t their fault I felt this way. The fault was mine – because I wasn’t setting any boundaries.

I’m sure many of you can see yourselves in my story. So, so, so many entrepreneurs, artists, and leaders have trouble with boundaries around time. Typical problems include:

  • Not enough time to work because you have guilt around childcare
  • Giving away too much time by constantly emailing clients
  • Excusing a client who cancels frequently (wasting your time)
  • Doing the work of others who are doing things incorrectly or not on time
  • Working overtime consistently because you fear telling your boss that the workload is too heavy

Once you realize that you’re dishonoring your time and dishonoring yourself, it’s time to sit down and get really clear on what you need. I have formulated a series of exercises that will enable you to establish a schedule that allows you time and freedom to accomplish your business and personal goals, and a series of healthy boundaries to serve as a framework for your success. With these boundaries, you can stop feeling overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or scared. You can stop worrying that you’re over-worked and start stepping into time and energy well-spent.

How you spend your time is how you live your life.

In this first section of How to Honor & Protect Your Time, let’s look at scheduling and prioritizing, because setting boundaries for yourself begins with time management.

First, get clear on the top two or three things you don’t have enough time for because of unhealthy boundaries. Is it marketing? Is it self-care? Is it time to write?

What are you losing out on because you’re not honoring your time?

Create Your Ideal Schedule

Creating an ideal schedule is KEY to setting time boundaries for yourself. The more clear you are on your schedule, on what you’d like to be doing at what moments, the easier it will be to honor your time, your energy, and what’s important to you.

 

 

 

To create your ideal schedule:

1) Draw a grid with a column for each day of the week, and a row for each hour of the day.

2) Assign work time and personal time.

3)Get more specific: Identify what you need to do and when you need to do it. Start with Monday – Friday, or Tuesday – Saturday, or whatever works for you. Include each thing you would be doing each day throughout the week, and at what time. Block out time with clients, marketing time, travel time, shopping for supplies time, yoga time, family time. Include team meetings, networking events, even dentist appointments. When you can see that on your schedule, you’ve begun to create boundaries for yourself. The more you get clear on your schedule, the less scattered you are, and the more you are able to open time for yourself.

Determine Necessary Tasks

The next tool you need is to be able to get clear on what tasks you do that are worth your while. This is so important to being able to honor your time because it allows you to really prioritize what is most important and stick to it.

For this, make a running list of every single thing you do for one week – start today. Once you’ve followed yourself and your activities for a week, the next step is to categorize your activities this way:

  • Category 1 – essential tasks you currently don’t lose time on because the boundaries are good
  • Category 2 – essential tasks you want to keep but could use a better system or could streamline
  • Category 3 – non-essential tasks to either eliminate or to save for another time
  • Category 4 – tasks to delegate, which are essential but which you can give to someone else

Be honest with yourself. You’ll see some important things as you mark your tasks in this way. You might see that you need an intern or a team member. Or maybe there are things you’re spending time on that aren’t benefiting you. When you compare your actual schedule with your ideal schedule, you can apply the task categories to bring the actual schedule closer to your ideal.

Look for How to Honor & Protect Your Time, Part 2 next week, in which we’ll examine specific tactics and conversations to have for boundary-setting around time!

Conquer Your Fear and Step Into the Light!

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We all experience fear differently. It rears its ugly head in many creative ways. When you are trying to bring your Soul-Centered Project into the world, that fear is often about visibility. You’re afraid of being seen because someone might think you’re a fraud. Or that you’re too old. Or too young and inexperienced. Or the fear is that you’ll be rejected. It’s easy to let that fear take over and hide away!

Yet, one thing is true about fear across the board: If you fail to address the fear when it comes up, your chances of achieving those juicy goals that you set out for yourself decrease drastically.

So how do I take on my fears?

 

I’m going to share with you three of my top ways to deal with fear, and avoid its paralyzing effects:

1) Identify How Your Fear Expresses Itself in Your Life

Fear takes you hostage because you often do not recognize that you are afraid! These “fear-based expressions” are much trickier than you first realize, yet so important to identify and pay attention to because they can cause pain and anxiety in your life.

There are three main ways in which our fears become expressed in our lives. I call them “fear-based expressions.” They are:

a) Body-based Expressions: These are fear-based symptoms that are expressed distinctly in your body. Perhaps you get a stomachache, your head begins to throb, or that old knee injury comes back for a painful visit.

b) Self-doubt and Criticism Expressions: Fear often expresses itself through self-doubt and self-criticism. You tell yourself things like, “You don’t look right!” or “You don’t present well” or “Who do you think you are? You aren’t good enough.”

c) Self-Sabotage Expressions: Self-sabotage symptoms are obstacles you put in your own way. We often soothe fears by sabotaging ourselves and our goals: by becoming indecisive, by “losing” documents, by forgetting to set the alarm, by deciding to do the laundry instead of writing the cover letter, on and on. Many people sabotage themselves by not making themselves and their Soul-Centered Project known in the world. Sound familiar?

Take Action: Think: what are your fear-based expressions? Take a few minutes and make a list of all the body based, self-doubt based, and self-sabotage based ways fear plays out in your life.

2) Identify What’s at Risk

It is my firm belief that fear always arises as a “red-alert” when something is at risk if you pursue a particular goal. For example, if you were to promote your business, perhaps what’s at risk is that people won’t sign up for your program. Or, that they won’t pay attention to what you have to say. Perhaps what’s at risk is the salary or connections you’ve made in your current position.

It’s important to ask the question, “What’s at risk for me if I were to really make myself visible?” because the risk IS what you are scared of.

Action Step: Journal on the following question: What’s at risk for you if you were to get visibility and be seen?

3) Name Your Fear and Embrace It

Now that you know what your REAL fear is (what’s at risk), it’s time to name it, feel it in your body, and embrace it. Yup, I’m serious. If fear is the big elephant in the room, and it’s not named or welcomed, then you can never really get to know it well enough to ask it to go away. Don’t be embarrassed about it; we ALL have fears, even the most successful or the most confident of us. It’s part of our human nature. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t get scared sometimes.

 

Action Step A: Name Your Fear. Simply name it in a word or two or three. “I am scared of failing,” or “I am scared of being ignored,” or “I am scared that I don’t look right.”

Action Step B: Feel the fear in your body. Take a few moments. Slow down. Close your eyes and notice where the fear lives in your body. Do you feel it in your shoulders, in your stomach? How does your fear affect you physically?

Action Step C: Embrace Your Fear. Perhaps you want to write it on a big piece of paper and hang it up on your refrigerator or your bathroom mirror. Perhaps you want to carry it around in your purse for a few days. Perhaps you want to write it in an email that you send to yourself or your best friend. However you do it, make it a point of embracing the thing that you are scared of. This simple act will take some of the emotional charge out of the fear and allow you to see it for what it really is.

Congratulations! After these first three steps, you probably know much more now about the nature of your fear and how it affects your life. These are great strides toward releasing this particular fear from your life, and gaining the visibility that you and your Soul-Centered project need to thrive!