Is there a person in your life or at work who consistently lets you down? Does this person fail to give you the support you need, or make you feel resentful about the fairness of your relationship? Even if you really like or even love this person, do you suspect that this person is in some way detrimental to you or your soul-centered project?
Relationships are absolutely essential, even fundamental, to the success of any soul-centered venture. Soul-centered relationships are vital to any performance you’re in, any book you want to write, exhibition you want to create or participate in, conference you want to organize, or project you spearhead.
Relationships are so important because when it comes down to it, you can’t succeed alone. To be fair, maybe you can “get it done” by yourself. But it takes way too much energy and is not as much fun if you do it alone.
Additionally, the bigger you get, the bigger your vision, and the more expansive you become, you literally cannot do everything yourself. Just as a timely example, the President of the U.S. would not be able to run the country without help and support in various ways from others!
What often happens is that you set out to do it alone or you have others’ help, but something isn’t quite right. Maybe there’s imbalance or resentment, or something missing. That’s not a soul-centered, aligned relationship.
When your relationships are misaligned, you are going to have a lot of problems.
To understand what’s happening in your relationships, it’s wise to assess where you are (or not), and to get more clarity on how to really uplevel those relationships. This way, not only can you accomplish your goals, but you do it with a heart filled with love, energy and joy.
The first step is to define the different kinds of people with you in relationships, and to identify what about the relationship makes you feel off-kilter or uncomfortable. It’s that hard-to-pinpoint feeling of discomfort when you know something isn’t working. A mentor of mine calls it a “wiggly-niggly” feeling. You know it when you feel it!
- Team members. These are employees or any other people helping you on an ongoing basis. The wiggly-niggly with these people might be that no matter how many times you give them instructions, they just don’t get it right.
- Partners. These can be business partners, collaborative partners, and joint venture partners. Oftentimes the wiggly-niggly is unspoken resentment or that things are not quite in balance. One person is working hard and the other person is slacking off. Or one is really promoting the venture and the other isn’t.
- Clients. Anyone who has come to see your performance, a reader of your book, a viewer of your artwork, or someone who hires your services. The wiggly-niggly there is if you get annoyed easily at one of your clients. Does this client show up late and expect you to go overtime? Do they not pay? Or do they get intimidated or anxious if you reach out to new prospects?
- Contractors. Similar to a team member but not someone on an ongoing basis. Maybe this person is a logo designer, a caterer for an event, or the rep for a venue you’re renting. Those types of relationships can get wiggly when someone doesn’t follow through on a contract. Or they might be hard to contact once you paid them. Or you feel you overpaid and you resent it but you never say anything or try to negotiate.
- Employers. This could also be a supervisor. Often there can be resentment or feelings of unfairness in these types of relationships.
- Your mentors & teachers. The wiggly-niggly energy here can make you feel shy, scared, entitled, or not deserving.
- Main emotional support relationship. This could be your spouse, sister, parent, best friend, etc. There are all kinds of possibilities for wiggly-niggly with these relationships!
Assessing: Evaluate the Relationships
Ask yourself the following questions. Let your inner Wise Woman answer. Don’t try to overthink anything. You already know the answers.
- Of the different relationship types listed above, which are the ones where you have the strongest relationships? Where do you feel on target, you know it’s soul-centered and you’re really clean in your energy?
- How are those so aligned? What makes them so good and aligned?
- Which types of relationships give you trouble currently and consistently?
- For each of these, how would you characterize the trouble, the misalignment, or the unclean energy?
- What’s the result of this trouble? How does it impact your soul-centered project? Be as specific as you can get with current situations.
- Which of those categories are vital to your soul-centered project? Which ones are game-changers for your project, such that you truly need for them to be aligned in order to move forward?
- Why are those vital? What result will it yield if you are able to create or deepen a soul-centered relationship?
This is where I see leaders falter and self-sabotage repeatedly. It happens with team members, or a client relationship, or a partner. Maybe you end that relationship, but you don’t heal it. And you end up recreating it elsewhere with someone else experiencing that same dynamic.
Creating Your Ideal Relationships
Identifying and evaluating your relationships is the first step to healing them. The next step is to get clear on what your ideal relationships would look like. To do so, journal on the following questions:
- What do you want this relationship to look like? How do you want it to change?
- What is required of you on an outer level to make that change happen?
- What would be required of you on an inner level?
Put Your Awareness into Motion for Soul-Centered Success
The Next Step is to take action. What are your next 3 baby steps to create Soul-Centered Relationships, and soul-centered success?