In lieu of a full blog post, I wanted to share with you a recent post I wrote on Facebook.
I was scared to hit post on it because I know it’s a little controversial….
and I wasn’t sure if it would trigger some people…
but I ultimately decided to post it because I feel so strongly about it.
It’s about coaching & coaching skills & ethics & so much more.
You’ll see it got some attention and a lot of folks commented very passionately on it.
Here it is: https://www.facebook.com/joanna.lindenbaum/posts/10155812738623437
Would love to hear your thoughts!
Here’s a coaching, facilitation, teaching (and marketing) tool that I live by:
It is vitally important to reveal yourself, your imperfections, your not-so-great outcomes, and your not-so-happy qualities to your clients, students and community.
The transformational industry is FULL of gurus who seem picture perfect. They have “perfect” businesses; they apparently learn their lessons very quickly; they apparently don’t make mistakes; they apparently don’t really have sh*t happen to them
This is damaging to their communities – and specifically to their clients.
Because as a coach or practitioner, if you don’t consciously reveal your imperfections to your clients….they can make the mistake of believing that things happen perfectly for you.
And that essentially means that you become, in my opinion, a very, very dangerous role model.
Because no one is perfect, no one’s business is perfect, no one’s health is perfect, etc.
But your clients believe that if you – their coach or leader – don’t have frustrations, don’t have obstacles, don’t have hardships, that they should be able to attain it too.
And that’s a setup for failure, for frustration, and for unhappiness.
When I am with my clients and students, I never hesitate to share about my not-so-great moments, my not-so-great launches, my not-so-pretty feelings (yes, I get jealous and negative sometimes!), and my sweaty armpits (always happens when I facilitate!).
Of course, I share only when appropriate and only as much as is necessary to make the point: that I am human, just like my client is human, and we are bound to have imperfect lives and businesses. And this is as it should be.
When we are coaching or facilitating, we need to remember that when we show that we struggle with some things, that things don’t always go according to our plans….we are giving permission to our clients to not be so hard on themselves, to not be so self-judgmental, and to not think something is very wrong with them because they haven’t achieved enough.
This is the ONLY way real growth can happen. And this is the ONLY way real movement towards goals can happen.
And quite honestly, this is the only way real self-love can deepen (& I believe that at the core of ANY coach’s or practioner’s job, this is one of the most sacred).
When I train practitioners in Sacred Depths Coach Training, we spend a full module just on how to support clients through the Myth of Perfection. In addition to the inner work tools I share with my coaches on this, I also always share this important principle:
Remember that when you are someone’s coach, teacher or facilitator…you also bear the responsibility of being their role model. And being a role model doesn’t mean showing up as an image of perfection.
A few years ago, while I was leading a group call with nearly 30 women, my parents telephoned me on both my home phone and my cell phone 4 times within about 2 minutes.
I could feel my heart start beating faster as I was coaching. My mother has had MS for 30 years, and there have been many emergencies, hospital visits, and even life-support situations over the years.
A version of me 3 years ago would have tried to ignore her calls until I was done teaching — yet be scared & un-present to my teaching the entire time — because I wouldn’t want to come off as unprofessional.
An even older version of myself would have freaked out completely, told the folks on the call that I needed to reschedule, and then go on to deal with whatever was happening.
Last week, instead, at an appropriate pause in between spotlight coaching moments, I let the women on the call know that my parents had called 4 times and that I was concerned enough to feel I should call back, but that it would only take a moment. I asked everyone on the call to hold for just a minute and quickly called my mom. There was a slight emergency situation, but nothing very serious. I was able to get off the phone in under 90 seconds, return to my clients with full presence, and then take care of the situation at an appropriate time.
In this moment, I can’t actually think of any client I’ve ever worked with that hasn’t at some point wondered or (most likely) agonized over what to charge. And I confess, I certainly have grappled with this many times in the past as well.
The question about where to set your rates brings up a whole slew of internal questions and judgments:
How valuable is my work?
What will people think when they hear my rates?
What are other people in my industry charging?
Will anyone buy from me at all?
Am I undercharging?
Am I overcharging?
Last week, while I was leading a group call with nearly 30 women, my parents telephoned me on both my home phone and my cellphone 4 times within about 2 minutes.
I could feel my heart start beating faster as I was coaching. My mother has had MS for 30 years, and there have been many emergencies, hospital visits, and even life-support situations over the years.
A version of me 3 years ago would have tried to ignore her calls until I was done teaching — yet be scared & un-present to my teaching the entire time — because I wouldn’t want to come off as unprofessional.
An even older version of myself would have freaked out completely, told the folks on the call that I needed to reschedule, and then go on to deal with whatever was happening.
Last week, instead, at an appropriate pause in between spotlight coaching moments, I let the women on the call know that my parents had called 4 times and that I was concerned enough to feel I should call back, but that it would only take a moment. I asked everyone on the call to hold for just a minute and quickly called my mom. There was a slight emergency situation, but nothing very serious. I was able to get off the phone in under 90 seconds, return to my clients with full presence, and then take care of the situation at an appropriate time.
Last week was Autumn Equinox which — among other things — is all about the energy of Balance.
During the time of the Equinox, the daytime hours are exactly as long as the night-time hours. The Earth is in a beautiful moment of balance between light and dark, Winter and Summer, inner and outer energy.
So this is a wonderful moment to reflect upon how you are creating balance in your life and in your business.
Balance is one of the most important elements of any successful and happy business. And when things aren’t in balance, you feel off, resentful and most likely are not creating what you want. For example:
–Working so much that you don’t have enough time for rest, self-care, family or the other priorities in your life
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