Plainly put: I grew boobs before most of the other girls in my grade.
But I was in denial. I wasn’t one of those girls who wanted to grow up quickly. Even at a young age, time felt precious to me and I didn’t want to get any older any quicker.
One day, early Autumn of the sixth grade, my mom came into my room without knocking. She was carrying a white plastic bag from the discount store, Marshalls. Very unceremoniously, she dumped the contents of the bag onto my bed. It was three bras…all white…looking pretty intimidating to me.
“Time to start wearing a bra,” my mom told me.
My mother and I had never had a conversation on the topic before. The foreign objects on my bed, in combination with the matter-of-factness of my mother’s voice felt shocking to me. I felt intruded upon, slightly under attack, maybe a little ashamed… and definitely wanted to have nothing to do with those bras. And wanted to have even less to do with my mom at that moment.
I eventually wore one of the bras to school (& total hilarity ensued; that’s a story for another day), but why am I sharing this story with you?
Because this was a GREAT example of what NOT to do when you are working with clients and wanting to Create Awareness for them.
Creating Awareness is a vital coaching skill and coaching competency.
Part of your job as a coach is to support clients to become aware of certain facts, ideas, notions and steps that they can’t see themselves. But HOW you support those clients to become aware makes all the difference.
The truth is that my mother was right. Looking back now, I can see that in terms of how mature my physical body was, I was long overdue for a bra. It really was time.
But while my body was ready, I personally needed to be invited to do so in a way that honored ALL of me. I needed maybe for my mom to create some tenderness and intimacy around the topic first. I needed maybe for her to ask my permission to talk about something sensitive. I needed for her to ask me how I felt about it and what was right for me.
These are all components of the Creating Awareness skill you want to be using with clients.
You may have an insight or piece of information that is TOTALLY vital for your client to hear. You want to be very, very VERY intentional about how you deliver that piece of information, how you create that awareness.
It will make all the difference in the world in terms of how open or resistant your client will be to the new information, how they feel about themselves as they take in the new information, and how they trust and feel connected to you.
So next time you are Creating Awareness with a client, take a moment to think about how you want to do it!
Here’s the straight up truth: One of my biggest struggles…er, I mean opportunities for learning…in this lifetime has been related to Time.
Especially when my business first started getting busier, it felt like there was never enough time. My schedule would be packed. I’d start seeing clients early in the morning till late into the afternoon. There would barely be time for a lunch break.
I was exhausted and overwhelmed, and felt like a slave to my schedule.
As my business grew even more and I transitioned to a smaller private practice and more group work, I eventually got my schedule straightened out, but the struggle with time still felt pretty pervasive.
It wasn’t the insane client schedule anymore. Not it was figuring out how to be a mom AND run a business…AND have time with Jon…AND maintain friendships….AND have time for myself.
And I was noticing my clients were similarly struggling with Time. Whether they were parents or not, it seemed that many women often felt they didn’t have enough Time, were running out of Time, were challenged to make Time.
And none of the “Time Management” strategies seemed to really be working for them…or for me.
Yes, the Time Management strategies would help me get a lot done….but they didn’t ease the feeling of constant pressure and running to catch up with Time.
This is when I realized that what needed to shift for me (& my clients) was our beliefs about Time. Our Relationship with Time.
When your relationship with & beliefs about Time are misaligned, there is really no way that Time is going to work well for you.
Here is what I learned as I started exploring my own Relationship with Time and also exploring with my clients:
Most of the time, our beliefs about either the Universe, our own self-value, or Authority Figures get projected onto our beliefs about time.
In other words, in many cases, our relationship with time is really just a mirror for our relationship with either the Universe, our self-value or authority figures.
If you believe the Time is in control of you, chances are you believe someone or something else is more powerful and controlling of you.
If you believe there’s not enough Time, chances are you believe that the Universe offers scarcity more often than not.
So, if you’re struggling with Time, or working with clients who struggle with Time, in addition to the Time Management Tools, you want to work on the inner pieces. Here are some questions to start with:
–What are my beliefs about Time?
–What did I learn (or not learn) from my parents or guardians about Time?
–What kind of relationship do I have with Time?
And – this is important – just so you know….I haven’t yet 100% mastered this Time thing. It’s something I work on a lot and make forward movement in, and then sometimes take a few steps back in. Didn’t want display any kind of Myth of Perfection here because that won’t serve you at all!
Would love to hear your thoughts on this one. Enjoy!