In grade school, there was a group of girls I called the "Clique" – they always seemed to be laughing, in the "know", have the best clothes, and generally gave off the feeling that not only were they cooler than everyone else, but that their circle was utterly impenetrable.
No outsiders allowed. And all outsiders were definitely not good enough.
Being the sensitive kid that I was, this affected me deeply. I didn’t actually know if I liked the girls in the Clique (because I didn’t really know them), but at the same time I really wanted to be part of it.
I longed to belong, to be seen, liked and appreciated by girls that were seemingly "better" than me. And not being part of it felt like a massive rejection and judgment on my "enough-ness".
This internal dilemma really shaped me. As I moved into high school and then into college, I evolved to begin to feel proud of how I was my own unique person, and how the various groups of friends I nurtured were not "popular", but instead utterly real, loving, and truly my tribe.
But there always lingered an itsy bitsy need to be seen and loved by those women in exclusive groups, by those that, in my mind, ran in super-tight circles, knew each other very well…and were somehow more successful and living a better life than me…and OBVIOUSLY being part of their clique was proof.
The notable thing is that for me, the "cliques" were always women, never men.
This was about Sisterhood, and feeling excluded from special Sisterhood in one way or another.
In my 20s, I discovered Women’s Circles and Ritual, and so much around Sisterhood changed for me. Not being part of any "cool" groups became even less important, and feeling a belonging in groups of women who understood me and "see" me took top priority.
Over the last few months, I noticed the Sister Wound show up in my business. Not with clients, prospects or marketing…all of that feels so natural and aligned. I feel totally in my power, in my authenticity, and in my body in those areas.
The Sister Wound was showing up in how I interact with colleagues, especially the last months, as I’ve been working on a big joint venture project and inviting colleagues to collaborate with me. I observed in myself this fear of rejection, this need to impress, this wondering if I’ll be accepted and admired and loved.
Will she respond to my invitation?
Will she like my project?
Does she like ME?
Does she think I’m not big enough?
I see on Facebook that she is close with such & such, and such & such…is there space to connect with me? Or is this another Clique that I don’t know how to be part of?
Of course the fear is different, and not as all-encompassing as when I was younger. I’m not attached to the outcome with it, but I want to share with you that it IS there.
I can see so very clearly how I’ve created an incredibly successful business, largely (& purposefully) WITHOUT calling on the support of colleagues because of my Sister Wound. And of course we all know having collaborators and supporters makes EVERYTHING easier.
The Sister Wound runs deep:
Even for someone like me who has done so much work on it, who knows the importance of Sisterhood, who is a leader in the field, and who supports other leaders around it.
Even for the coaching & healing industries where women-preneurs are so evolved, and where the industry is based on changing the paradigm of business in the world.
I believe the Sister Wound is still active and activated because of how women have been pitted against each other for millennia, how (patriarchal) culture has ensured that it will prevail because it knows what can happen when women really come together fully. And I also believe we have come such a long way, and will continue to do so.
I feel very vulnerable sharing all this here, but I am doing so because I know there are countless women experiencing this right now, and I want you to see that it can show up at any level of success or visibility. And I share this because I want to invite you to shift it for yourself…with ripple effects happening globally.
How can you heal your Sister Wound?
First step is to be aware and honest with yourself around that Wound and how it shows up in your life and business. Where does it show up? What parts of your business does it affect?
Watch it, catch it when it gets out of hand, remind it that you are so loved, and so wonderful, and that we are all daughters of Spirit, with our own joys and our own human struggles, and we are all equal.